Looking ahead and losing

Still trying to shake my doldrums but starting to look ahead to the new year. I feel as though I have some tasks ahead of me as I look down the road.

First, I have some major curriculum to review and decide on and purchase. I feel as though I have made my first decision as I am going to start with Singapore math- US edition. I printed out the tests for the boys to take sometime in the next few weeks, then I will begin a search for a used copies and buy a few depending where they score. This first decision was a big accomplishment as I feel that the first step is taken, and I am really going to do this. I also scored big on the Scholastic Dollar days sale for teachers that a teacher friend clued me in on- (Thanks again Jackie) these will provide me with lots of extension activities and independent work ideas. I haven't even started looking at ILA, Science, and History but I am gaining confidence.

Second I need to work on Schuckie2 (almost3) as I find that I have indulged him over the years and as he has not been pushed off the lap by another little Schnuckie, I find he has little patience and lots of attitude. I am hoping that I can begin to help him understand that the world does not revolve around him and there will be times when I need to be busy with the other Schnuckies and he will just have to wait a few minutes (Gosh darn it). I will need to build my own reservoir of patience as he can be quite demanding and not easily put off. Like the others he will learn to wait his turn.

Finally, and most importantly, we have some losses coming, not only the loss of school friends but all my kids will be affected by the move of my best friend, Barbara. Our kids have played together for the last 4 years. She has 3 and our kids have been very close. As her youngest entered Kindergarten this year, we have been seeing less of each other. It may a convenient excuse to begin to pull away due to so much time is spent at school. I sense this is the way we have (or maybe its just me) of beginning to get used to not seeing each other anymore. It hurts, but like a Band-Aid, I think we are pulling it off slowly as opposed to a quick and sudden rip.

But I am particularly worried about my Schnuckie6(almost7) as he is losing these friends as well as his best friend who is so like him in both demeanor and smarts that I smile all the time about it when they are together. Two peas in a pod is an apt description. I often thought they'd be close through their teens. I even thought that he might be homeschooled and then the two of them would be inseparable. But Nathan's family is also planning to move this year. Schnuckie6 is a kind and sensitive boy and not the social butterfly his brother is, these losses will hit him very hard. I think alot about this upcoming pain for him and wonder if it might be kinder to try to insulate him a little by starting to move away from play dates and activities with his best friend. Maybe trying to hook him up with a few other friends to begin to develop deeper relationships so that the loss of his best friend may be blunted, as I try to do with mine. It is hard to decide what is better, allow the friendship to continue and have it suddenly broken, or ease away and have it die slowly. Children handle loss differently than adults. They don't have all the baggage we adults tend to heap on to loss experiences. As adults our losses have accumulated and the subsequent pain can create affect bridges to previous losses, magnifying the event. As children, they take the loss and deal with it more matter of factly and are often able to more easily move on. But I can't help wanting to protect my sweetie from beginning the list of loss that he will carry in his life. Right now I think that I am leaning to allowing him to stay close as long as he can. To quote Tennyson (although I am loathe to do that following the recent press conference of Gov. Blagoyovich when he ended with a quote from him) , I do believe that "Tis better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all". These are the situations in life which make us into the unique and special people that we become.