I'm here- now (really)

I admit it, I have many (many) faults. I am not always the sharpest knife in the drawer, especially in the morning, I have been known to hold a grudge. I yell at my kids when I am frustrated. I don't always have the house clean and occasionally I am late (seems like that has been happening more and more lately). There are many many things that I need to work on to improve myself. Papaschnuck could, no doubt, fill a book with suggestions if I ever hesitated to answer that question. However, I believe that I have finally come up with a good New Year's Resolution. I tend to always be looking ahead, planning for the next moment, or day, or week. I believe that I could benefit greatly from learning to work on being in the here and now. I don't think many people enjoy the present and what is going on around them, and what a waste that seems to me. I have often looked at the few people I know, who tend to live there lives in the present, with a smug sense of superiority. Like, all my planning for the future makes me better somehow. Like, I will be prepared and they won't . Truth is, they may be on to something, for you really can not count on anything except what is going on now. Planning is good, don't get me wrong, but (pardon the cliche) you need to stop and smell the proverbial roses.

I was in my spinning class, desperately thinking of anything except my burning quads, when I began to listen to the words of the song,

(credit to the artist Pink)

" When someone said count your blessings now

'fore they're long gone

I guess I just didn't know how

I was all wrong

They knew better

Still you said forever

And ever

Who knew"

Now, I know this is about lost love, but it struck a deeper chord in me as I huffed along trying desperately to keep up with Vickie who seemed perfectly content drive us up an impossible imaginary mountain. I began thinking that it is so rare now-a-days where I stop cleaning the kitchen to play Elefun with those little Schnuckies. I am forever saying, Oh honey- let me finish this load of laundry..... section of the paper.... chapter of my book....dishes.. vacuuming... etc.etc.. Else, I am furiously planning out the week or packing backpacks, setting out clothes for the next day. Getting ready to move on tot he next activity on the "list". I feel like I am in constant preparation or clean-up mode. The other night it struck me that Schnuckie6(almost7) has been asking for a snuggle before bed for a few weeks and I am putting him off over and over. After getting 4 to bed with a quick snuggle for Schnuckie2(almost3), I just want to get downstairs and put my feet up and catch up on my TIVO. I tell him No, not tonight maybe tomorrow, if you can get yourself ready earlier blah blah blah, make some excuse to flee to the quiet and peace of the downstairs. I hate there will be a time where I think back on all those misses opportunities to snuggle with my guys. I will regret not holding a little tighter and a little longer to their sweet bodies, curled against mine, thin arms encircling my neck, breathing into my cheek.

So I resolve to live more for the moment and less for the future. More for the kids and less for the house, more for the puzzles and games and less for the laundry. More for kids books and less for the newspaper. Now, I will still need to do all those other mundane things, but I know I won't look back and regret not doing more of them when the kids are older and gone.