Holy Crap? What am I thinking?

Somehow I think I may need to make this a Part 1 as I am certain I am gonna need to use this title again in the future.



That said, allow me to proceed, HOLY CRAP!! What am I thinking? I am just a normal person. I don't buy organic food, or milk my own cows (not that there is anything wrong with that). I am religious and go to church, but I don't preach. I am not a vegetarian. I don't bake my own bread and I have never, ever, been confused with a "Mother Earth" type. I am not particularly patient or understanding although I do have four kids which demands a certain loosening of standards to remain moderately. I NEVER would have thought someone like me would homeschool their kids. Truth be told, I never even particularly liked children. I never babysat and I don't think I even changed a diaper until I had my first son. My mother would have sworn to you (not that she would actually swear mind you) that I would have a menagerie of animals running around the house (in fact there was some mention during the wedding toast about a Schnuck Zoo). But I am certain that she'd have placed money (had she been a betting woman) on the fact that I would remain childless.

Then I had a baby.

I realized how utterly amazing and transformational those little words really are. Your life does, quite literally, change in mere moments. That change is so immediate and defining, it is almost as if a you have emerged from the shadows. You stand, squinting into the light, as you begin to understand something profound has irrevocable and permanently altered you. You are different right down into the core of your being from here on out. I was hooked. After I had one child, I wanted a hundred of them. I had another and I thought, well....maybe ten. Following my third, I decided one more would do. And so it was, four little faces around the table. I am so very fortunate my husband is a flexible and loving man. He met me when I proclaimed loudly (and often) that I probably never wanted to have children, but then, when we decided to try, he willingly shared my joy in building our family to what it has become today.

OK enough of that. I love being a mom and everything but really....Homeschooling also? As I said before, What am I thinking? There is so much information out there: Charlotte Mason, eclectic style, unschooling, deschooling, curriculum, co-ops, portfolio reviews, umbrella schools, web-based learning, single parents, working parents, special needs children, support groups, devoutly religious organizations, etc. etc. etc. Its enough to make my head spin. How can I possible get a handle on all this, organize myself and do a decent (forget excellent) job by my children. I vacillate between abject terror and supreme confidence and between deep desire and absolute rebellion to the idea. There is so much to consider. I feel fortunate that I have some time to get myself together and think about all my options. And on we go.......