Perception and the elusive quest of greater understanding

"Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment."-- The Old Farmer's Almanac

I knew intellectually that when I became a parent much would change. I set up the nursery, I folded all the clothes, I stocked up on diapers and I stopped working. I gave up my Monday matinee at the movies, sleeping in til 9, late nights out with my hubby and much of my freedom. I Prepared for the worst, one might say. And then, my sweet, little (well... he was 9lb 11oz) boy arrived red-faced and crying in my lap and I began to understand that parenting wasn't only the chores and responsibilities required in raising a child. Rather, it encompassed happiness, deep laughter, sheer joy, unrivaled pride, unbelievable frustration, and an unending depth of love. I remember musing, before Schnuckie8 was born, to my husband about what we might do if the kids were allergic to dogs. (My first "baby" was Percy, a beagle Dachshund mix and Jake, a dumb, lovable Yellow Lab shared our home) He simply replied that we'd get rid of the dogs. I said nothing, but I was SHOCKED! How dare he simply write off my sweeties. They are my children. I'd be damned if I am gonna give them up for a baby. The baby can just stay upstairs most of the time, it won't be a big deal. I think back on that and am amazed at my lack of comprehension about having a child, and how deep the well of emotion is for a child. Needless to say, don't worry, I can assure you that if anyone developed an allergy to the beasts, (We have since lost Percy but have gained another Yellow Lab- Max), they'd be gone in a nanosecond.

And on it went, with each one came new understandings and a deeper appreciation for the difficulties parents face in parenting. I can remember (when I only had one child) being so condemning of the parent I saw bribing their child for a few moments peace with the TV. Hmmm I'd never let my 1 year old watch TV I thought to myself. Let it be known my daughter was placed in a bouncy seat 2 feet from a TV playing a Baby Einstein video at 8 weeks old. There were many times, for what ever reason, I would cast judgement and think I'd never do that. Not fully understanding, that until you have been there, you don't really understand the frailties of being human, the mistakes you make as you are learning, and the level of compassion that is required to be an effective parent. This then translates to being an effective person, and trying hard not to make judgments and place values on the choices that others make beyond parenting. I done so many things that I have said that I would never do that I need to banish the words, "I would never do that" from my vocabulary. I'd like to say I have learned my lesson, but I still do occasionally make a mistake.

And those who know me know very well that I am not a saint, not even remotely. I still criticize, judge, and place values on others (hey it's human). I can be quick to assume and at times, slow to forgive. But I try my best to realize, that despite my best efforts at empathy, I do not always know what someone else is experiencing at any given moment. And I know, like many others, I am doing my best, at any given time, to get through whatever situation I find myself in. And while I may not be doing it right, well, or even very effectively, you can be sure that I am doing my best. And when you know better, you do better.