Waiting

I guess lately I haven't felt that there is much to write about as we are in a bit of a limbo. Almost done with school as an organized government entity. I have been "checking out" so to speak in terms of really being concerned about what they are doing especially as I deem much of it busy work. Schnuckie5 in particular, as her pre-school is almost over I find we are playing hooky a lot more (today in particular) in fact we have missed 3 of the last 4 days, one for a valid reason but Friday and today because I am being lazy. Not really great as we ARE still paying the bill. I have not have the motivation to go to the gym as I am not feeling well. That along with her apathy to school in general seems to cinch the deal. Maybe I am trying out less structure (if that is the case we are failing as we have really not been accomplishing much).

I am in a bit of a limbo and waiting: for school to end, for homeschool to begin, for summer plans to be made, for Birthday season to be over. I have been busy busy busy but who isn't? I think that I am getting closer to getting all my curriculum complete. Papaschnuck seems to be muttering and measuring in the room for desk space and bookcases a little more and I guess we are moving forward. It has all been a bit anticlimactic as the waiting seems never ending, everyday there is nothing new to write as I am still waiting, yet I cannot imagine beginning today. This has me interested of course as I wonder what is the reluctance? Why not start tomorrow? Today. What is the big deal? I think I am still scared. Worried about my ability to manage 4 the educational needs of all of them, being organized enough, actually getting things done, and handling that Schnuckie3 who is so consuming regarding attention and time. Intellectually, I know I can do it but there will be a learning curve. Emotionally, I have all my fears, apprehensions, hopes and dreams. Divergent feelings at odds with each other settling to a tentative balance. I guess I am feeling more peaceful that I can do this and will do this.

Either way we are headed forward, getting closer and moving on.