Choices Choices Choices

Yowsers! I have been researching various curriculum's that are available and it is unbelievable the amount of stuff that is out there. Inevitably it seems that every curriculum review begins with a glowing reference to the choices that are available today. Along with some sort of quaint disclaimer about how fortunate homeschoolers are today because that when the authors started homeschooling the only options out there were curriculum derived from former one-room school houses, written on parchment, and disseminated by the Pony Express. OK OK I jest, but one begins to feel wholly inadequate when one is unable to pick a curriculum given all the choices that are available. It has made me think, Is is harder to have too many choices or too few? Our society is is not a simple one, grocery store shelves are lined with choice after choice after choice of all different kinds of stuff: dog food- 19 brands; salad dressing -12 brands of 19 varieties; toilet paper- 7 brands, (one ply, two ply, deluxe, mega, super); crackers- 21 brands, countless varieties; soup, ketchup, beans, nuts, and we won't even discuss cereal which is often an entire aisle. Its enough to make one scream in frustration as you just try to find a item that works for your needs or tastes.

My goodness, what am I complaining about? Choice is good right? I mean we are an open and free society. So many choices would not be available otherwise. So, there I am, poring over reviews, nodding in agreement with much of what I read, thinking OOOHHH, Schnuckie8 would love that, or my goodness, Schnuckie6 could spend hours on that book. I then carefully mark the page with a neon orange post-it for easy reference later. The only problem is, later comes, and my book is filled with hundreds of post-its, spilling out from between almost every page. Although four is a lot of children, I have enough texts marked to educate 40. This is what it is like to try to plan for something that you have never done before. Like buying clothes for children. It is not until you have kids that you realize it is almost impossible to get a turtleneck over the head of a child under 12 months old. Not only does it feel as though you will snap off their head, but they have no neck for the turtle part. And what about overalls for 2-4 yr olds, ummmm no, not gonna work well with potty training. Buttons and even snaps on pants? little fingers can't do them by themselves until a certain age. Best of all is "dry clean only" clothes, FOR KIDS?? NEVER! Even if it is the most perfect adorable and fabulous outfit, do not buy it. If you do, it will guarantee that some well intentioned person will give them a glass of chocolate milk while they are wearing it and voila, you might as well have used it to mop off the dogs feet after a mud bath. they will never again be able to wear it again with the stains. But I digress....

So many homeschoolers I have met, and books I have read, encourage me to not spend alot of money at first. To wait and find out what works best for me and my kids, and of course, to save money, get a copier and buy used on-line. This all makes sense and intuitively I know this approach will be best, but I can't seem to stop looking for the "right" curriculum . I want to have everything lined up and perfect when it is time to start. Kind of like when I got the nursery ready for Schnuckie8, perfect I thought. Actually, I had a bunch of turtlenecks, the diapers were too small, and none of the clothes fit my first larger then average child (His head was so big at birth a volunteer had to knit a hat for him because all the ones they had were too tiny.). The sense of being prepared is an illusion, but it is an important factor. Because being prepared to homeschool is not really about the curriculum, but rather the confidence that I need to know that I can do it, no matter what the choices are that are out there.

Thoughts of Change

Change is hard. While difficult to do anything involving conscious thought while beating your body to the ground in the 75 minute Circuit 2K/Cycle class at the gym, I began to wonder why I was going to miss this so much. I have been going to the gym somewhat regularly since I started to have children. All of the kids have gone to the pre-school at my gym (except the last Schnuckie who would be going next year) They have all spent time in the nursery while I have schlepped steps, spun the cycle, and heaved weights. I know most every employee, all the teachers, and many of the members. I always bring a book but rarely read it as I can't usually find a willing ear to bend as I work out. I realized that I really like my life and my schedule. I enjoy getting up, going to the gym, dropping one at pre-school and one at the nursery. I work out for an hour or so, shower, pick said children up, head home, eating lunch, then have quiet rest time. An hour or so later, up and clean up, play, await the school kids, then homework, activities, dinner, clean up, reading, and bed. Then its TV, reading or other endeavors. I am a creature of habit. I can eat the same breakfast, lunch and a rotating order of dinners, and be satisfied. I like my life, I like my gym time, and I like my routine.

Change is hard and while I look so forward to home schooling (read earlier post of idealized expectations ha ha) I get blue when thinking of the loss of my routine. I know I will have a new routine and we will work out a different schedule and hopefully I will enjoy it as much, but I am sad about moving on. It is like any other life change. While joyful, I also I mourned the birth of the last Schnuckie, as I knew I would never again be pregnant. Weaning him was hard as well as, after over 4 years between all of them, I knew never again nurse my child, and feel that special bond. As he grew, I mourned the last of the itty bitty teeny weeny babies (although my babies were never really teeny tiny, the first was 9lb11oz). Yes, I would hold others newborns, and maybe someday a couple of grandchildren, but my heart ached as I thought Never again. It is hard to move on and lose times you so enjoy. I often want to grab my kids and hold them stop them from growing so fast. I get desperate to think that there is nothing I can do (nor should do) to stop the march of time. The new joys they bring as they grow soothe my aches for the old losses. But loss it is and thus needs to be acknowledged. I am sad when I think I will not be in "my classes" next year, groaning and straining with all the women who have become my friends over the past 7 years. I will never peek into a pre-school class and see my littlest Schnuckie bend over a piece of paper, lost in deep personal thought over what he is doing. I will never see him sing at the Christmas show there at pre-school. Never will my girl go off in the school bus to Kindergarten, or have to do that "build a house" project. My boys won't be in chess club , or DI after school any more. I could go on and on.

Change is hard. Intellectually, I know I will move on well. But emotionally I am still working it out.