Long Days, Short Years

Well before you know it time has flown by, even when the minutes can seem like hours. Like when you stuck at home with a bunch of sick kids (and sick me) like I have been for a week or so. Everyone is finally better and I think we have seen the end of it all. Of course even with all this home time I find I am having a hard time keeping up with my blogging. I can barely make one post a week while my goal is at least two. I guess I can keep trying. Anyway this caused me to think about Papaschnuck saying, "Long Days, Short Years". Coincidentally I looked up and realized, my sweet little baby is going to be THREE... on WEDNESDAY! Here I have been going on and on about how "oh he'll be three in a few weeks", NO! It's not in a few weeks it will be on WEDNESDAY.

I simply am not able to understand how the last three years disappeared so quickly. Actually for that matter, where the heck did the last 9 years go? My entire 30th decade is gone- poof! It was a blur of pregnancies, nursing, and diapers (lots and lots of diapers). But I wouldn't go back or change anything, I really have enjoyed every moment. Well, OK there were a few times in there where each minute wasn't necessarily cherished. I can remember hiding under a blanket in the living room while 3 children ran around me screaming, not necessarily understanding that I had strep throat and believed with every ounce of my being that I was going to die (Papaschnuck was in Washington State on business). Luckily, Grandma dropped everything and drove from 3 states away. She arrived on my door 3 hours later to save the day. But overall, probably the best times of my life thus far. There are even days where I have moments of insanity where I think, Oh I'd love to have just one more..... Of course, Papschnuck, in his infinite wisdom (and knowing me so well), handled that potential issue by visiting the doctor shortly after the last Schuckie arrived and ensured our fabulous family was complete.

Anyway, the point today is to celebrate (or try to) that my baby is getting older. At times, my heart siezes up, I get so desperate to keep them just as they are I don't want them to grow up anymore, I want to keep them innocent, young and sweet. But soon they start doing new things and I find I seeing them in a different light. We have moved on from the baby stage now, all of us. I have never had a youngest that was 3, I always had another to replace them with (babywise I mean, I wasn't trading them in or anything crazy like that). We are all learning new things and as Schnuckie2 has reached each new milestone, I see our family evolving. We are now a family without diapers, and diaper bags, no more sippy cups and plastic plates, bed rails and high chairs. Its not so bad.

So, Schnuckie 2 is now Schnuckie3 and he is a pistol. I adore him and he keeps me on my toes. An athlete for sure and a never ending force of nature. My littlest Schnuckie is growing up....... but he'll always be my baby.

And he grew

Then he turned two


And now .....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SCHNUCKIE

First Purchases

Well I have purchased my first curriculum, used no less, from a web site that posts used stuff. I bought a history text, " A Child History of the World" by V. M Hillyer originally from Calvert School curriculum and now is available and has been periodically updated. I got the 1997 copyright for $20.00 (including shipping). It seemed like a good price to me and the seller was very nice to boot. It is designed to teach history through stories. It came the other day and I think it is going to be just what I expected. Papaschnuck is more partial to dates and facts and more traditional texts but he seemed to like it as well. I really think this will allow them get an interest in, and an excitement about, history. It also will allow me to read to all of them at the same time and then I can do some extension activities with the older ones.

I also have begun to purchase Singapore Math, the math program designed (from Singapore math lessons) to teach kids how to think about and understand math. From what I have heard (read in reviews) this is a good program for strong math students who like to perform and progress through material. Supposedly, it is weak in providing for repetition to ensure math facts are understood, it just teaches and moves on (What? you mean it expects kids to understand and know the concepts after they are taught????). I may supplement it with some review workbooks to ensure they are retaining the information . I have only found 2A and 2B but am planning to get the workbooks and texts from 1A-4B in order to have the range I may need. I am hoping they will all benefit from it in the future but I can see that maybe one or two of the schnuckies may prefer or do better with Saxon and I am willing to try that as well in future. Right now, I am really buying the math for my math guy.

I have also decided that I want to get a formal Phonics program for my almost 5yr old as I'd like to have some structure for her to be sure I do well in teaching her how to read. I think I am going to use First Reader. I may also get some other Kindergarten curriculum as it will be nice to have pre-set things to do with her. Likewise, my Schnuckie2 (almost 3) will need some good workbooks for numbers, letters, colors, shapes etc. They should be easy to get. I think it will help me, at least in the first year to be able to work on things in a more structured formal way and not just try to wing it for them.

Finally, my latest decision is that I am going to focus the first few months on simply setting expectations. I think I will try to make sure the academics are not too challenging so that we can look at schedule, routine, and process. I think it is important to be sure that we are all comfortable with what we are doing by scrutinizing how we are doing it and when we are doing it. Once our schedule is in place I think that we can then look at making the work more challenging and rigorous. I am sure I will discover along the way that (all) my pre-conceived plans are woefully inadequate and what is needed or practical is something completely different. Nevertheless, I am a planner and this is what I am doing.

Well if nothing else, my goal for homeschooling will hopefully be to get the kids excited about learning and teach them how to find and access the information they want or need. Then in a few years maybe I can sit back and watch them go. I feel pretty good that I am headed down the right road though I have along way to go, and luckily time to get there.

Lessons Learned

Since I have been feeling philosophical I thought I would make a list of some of the pearls of wisdom I have learned from others and myself along the way. In no particular order:

• Never, ever, dress a toddler in a white shirt.


• When someone starts the sentence with "No offense, but..." they mean offense.


• Family is the most important thing. Money doesn't even come close.


• If everyone had to put their picture and phone number on the outside of their cars people would be a whole lot more courteous to each other on the road. Pretend it's there.


• A child will do almost anything for a piece of candy.


• No matter how hard you try, you can never make a person change, they must want to and do it on their own.


• Hitting is never the best solution for solving conflict.


• Forgiving someone else may help them but ultimately it helps you more.


• Anger is the most destructive emotion to a relationship, especially unresolved anger.


• Once you realize no one is perfect (including yourself) the pressure is off.


• When you know better, you ought to do better. (credit to Maya Angelou).


• Learn how to say "no" politely and firmly when faced with something you don't want to or can't do. Believe it or not people will still think your a nice person.


• That said, help out whenever you can, we all can do more for others and it really does make you feel better.


• Failing to make a choice or decision is making a choice or decision.


• Willpower does not come raining down from above like magic fairy dust, it is something you earn by working towards it every day.


• If you are not there for your friends, they will not be there for you.


• You are not raising children, you are raising future adults. (OK, I know that was Dr. Phil)


• People want to help out when others are in need, but often do not know what to do, if you know what you need- ask and be specific.


• Mistakes are powerful lessons for learning, do not waste them.


• Learning about yourself and why you are/do/think the way you are/do/think ought to be required for every person starting at age 30.


• If you empty yourself into others you will be left with nothing, do not forget to nurture yourself.


• No matter how big the mistake, you can always make it better (maybe not fix it, but certainly make it better).


• Pick your spouse very carefully, especially if you want to have children. It is important for husband and wife to parent their children consistently.


• If you say you are gonna do, you better do it.


• Most emotions originate from fear, pain or love. The trick sometimes is to figure out which it is.


• Kids are able to understand much more than they are able to articulate.


• Money really can not buy happiness, (though it does buy some really fun stuff).


• You see the world differently when you become a parent.


• Time does not heal all wounds, but it gives you an opportunity to learn how to deal with it.


• There is no greater thing in the world than snuggling in bed with a small child when they are sleepy.


• Manners are important, say "please" and "thank you". Try to say them sincerely, people notice.


• Lying never leads to a positive outcome. Honesty really is the best policy.


• Being trustworthy is an under appreciated trait, value it more.


• Remember your children learn their lessons more from watching you than from listening to you.


• Love should never be destructive.


• When you need to apologize do it face to face make sure you actually say the words "I'm sorry".


• Do not wait on your Life "to-do" list. One can never be sure how long you have left.

What fun that was, I whipped these off in no time. I try to live by these and to teach my kids these values but I'm sure there are tons more. We all need to try harder to be better, it makes the world a better place. Feel free to add your own in comments.

Common Ground

Its funny that we are all so different. People can be exposed to the same situations or events and walk away with vastly different opinions and lessons about what they have experienced and learned. We are the sum of what we know, or what we think we know. Some of us are more ambivalent politically, some of us more passionate. We are pro-lifers or vegetarians, we seek amnesty for immigrants, or we want the war in Iraq to be over. We drive hybrids and want to save the environment or perhaps, we worry about population growth or the deficit. Regardless of the position, we choose our sides and go about finding support and justification for our beliefs. Challenge those beliefs and we dig in. The more pressure to change an opinion, the greater the resistance and more passionate the defense. Human nature perhaps? We all hate to turn around mid-stride and admit mistake or error, or even concede a point. And for those who choose no side, that in itself is a choice and often defended as well.

I feel fortunate to have not only exposure to but to be friends with many people who think very differently than I. Granted I don't "get" them much of the time, and am often completely stymied as to how they can view things so very differently than I. (or in my head, I judge, "Such a wrong view). I find though, that I like them for other things and we will avoid the areas we do not agree on. So, I am going to apply this more actively in my life. I have been trying lately to realize that no matter the size of the expanse between our ideologies, inevitably there are things which unite us and common ground that we share. There are many issues that truly are one side or the other. But even then, there are places in the middle where there is common ground. For example: people generally believe that abortion is either a moral wrong or it should be available. Most people, even passionate anti-abortionists, would agree that abortion should be permitted to preserve the physical life of the mother- or at least in that instance, it should be her choice. Some people stop there. Others have varying degrees of acceptance, up to complete unrestricted access to abortion up until the minute of birth. Along that continuum, there are people who move up and down and those which are firmly entrenched somewhere (6 weeks along; first trimester; expectation of a imperfect child) and will never move. Yet , I like to think that all would agree and could find common ground in an effort to reduce the occurrence of the need for abortion (or at least most abortions). So, any situation, no matter the disagreement , if we could approach things collaboratively, I think we could be at least find areas we agreed upon to improve.

Now, I love a good debate. One in which both sides are informed, respectful, and passionate. I have not always been known to follow those requirement (with the exception of the last one). I have, in my life, tended to be a rather black and white person. There can be shades of grey but for the most part I have felt justified and confident in my opinions, my moral direction, and my viewpoints. This is not to say that I can't admit error- something I have gotten better at as my maturity has opened the door for greater introspection, experience, and wisdom. Lately, I have been engaged in contentious disagreements with all the political upheaval and changes happening in Washington and it is wearing me out. Perhaps it is time to apply this lesson and try to find the common ground that is needed to go forth. To those who know me, this is an interesting challenge for me, and there will be many things with which I will struggle to find shared turf. We shall see how well I do.........

Big Boy

Despite the fact that I have been a bit negligent in writing recently, I have been feeling a bit, well... nostalgic. First of all, Papaschnuck traveled this week, and I always seem to get somewhat melancholy when he leaves the roost, albeit for a simple 2 day trip. It makes me somber and I never like being without him. But the thing that really got to me this past week is that my baby, ahemm, my big boy, Schnuckie2 (almost3), has made the decision to move out of diapers and began using the potty. Yipee!! one might think, and yes I am happy that the end is near. After 12 years of diapers (condensed into 9 years of time- we often had 2 in diapers at once) the light at the end of the tunnel is in sight. I can finally see a day with no diaper bag, no diapers, no swimmies and no pull ups.

This is a day in which I dreamed on those long nights, tired and cranky, I'd be scraping poop off the back of a very unhappy baby whose diaper blew out in a spectacular fashion. This is a day I dreamed of as I realized, with alarm, that the very stinky child I was going to change was gonna have to sit in a very dirty diaper because the diaper bag was sitting by the back door where I forgot it while trying to herd all the children into the car. This is a day I longed for when, after buttoning the very last top button of a winter coat, covering a snow pant, tucked into boots, a small be-gloved hand would tap me to say,"Mommy, I did poopy."

And here we are, the other day, my little guy demanding (as I tried to put a new diaper on him), "No! Me no need diaper mommy, me a big boy, me go in the potty." Despite my logical arguments about how it was so much easier for me if he just stayed in a diaper for a little longer, he insisted, and so now he is a "big boy", and using the potty with all the pride and excitement of an almost 3 yr old. We went out for pizza for dinner, after religious education classes on Wednesday, when Papaschnuck was gone (Hey why not?). After 2 earlier failed attempts on the potty he came bursting out of the rest room, with me trailing him, to announce in his loudest, proudest, voice to his siblings, " HEY GUYS! ME GO POOPY ON THE POTTY!" Oh, the sense of accomplishment he felt and wanted to share.

And here we are today, all my kids now use the potty. How soon it arrived and how surprised I am to actually be a little sad to see it come. I guess it is more the reality hitting me that I do not have another baby rather than my own internal desire to keep changing diapers (wow some insight there). But it is a definite demarcation in time and experience: I was a diaper changing mom and now I am not. 2 weeks now and with only a few accidents, he seems to have followed with the others in being really pretty easy to train- I am not complaining. I have always waited till the third birthday before informing them (rather matter-of-factly) that "big boys who are 3 don't wear diapers." (OK there was a girl in there too but she thought she was a boy for a while). Surprisingly, it always worked. Within a week or two the drama would be over and using a toilet would be routine. Dry overnight usually follows in 6 months or so. This last guy was the first one to take it upon himself to make the decision that he was ready. Well, I guess I better accept it cause, "3 year old's don't wear diapers mommy!"

I am you

Lately, I have been getting a number of inquiries as to my plans for next year. People seem, well, surprised at my decision to homeschool. Inevitably, when I confirm, yes, I am planning on homeschooling my kids next year I get the first question, Why? or maybe, Where do they go to school? Eyebrows raised as if my kids must have to dodge drug dealers and fight their way into class everyday. I usually reassure them that I do like the school, but my kids are not getting the challenges that they need. This is met with a curious looks like, Hmmm... what problems do they have that even the school can't help them? It is here I usually add that the school has done a lot to improve their Gifted and Talented Program but I felt that my kids need a more individualized curriculum). Of course, often it is parents I know from the school (who know it is a pretty good public school ) that are curious as to why I would want to homeschool. It is then that the almost universal response arrives, sometimes with the caveat that they themselves once looked into it, but:

"I could never homeschool my kids. I don't have the______________ ". You can fill in the blank- patience, time, structure, discipline, energy, desire, sanity, money, space, etc. etc. etc. There is always a reason.

This often makes me snicker because the truth is, I don't have many of those things either. But then again, I have learned that none of those things are required to be able to actually do it. Now, before I get a bunch of argument, I concede that many of those traits would certainly make homeschooling infinitely easier. But none are required. Again, don't get me wrong, I understand that people really think they can't do it but perhaps the truth is one of two reasons. First, they don't want to homeschool. Now, there is nothing wrong with that and I really mean it. In fact, I hereby decree- No one ought to home school their children if they do not want to. Second, I think that most people do not feel the NEED to homeschool. Again, good decision for them. I hereby make a second Decree: No one ought to homeschool their children if they do not feel the need to do so. I do not think less of you, I cast no dispersions upon your choice NOT to homeschool, it really is such a huge commitment I would think it would be doomed to fail if you did it but were not completely committed.

I do, however, think that if push came to shove and it was determined that homeschooling was necessary for their kids or if they simply just wanted to homeschool, they COULD do it too, and they would find a way no matter their lack of ______________. Really, I am just like everyone else. I have just decided that this is what I must do and the more I learn about it, the more important it seems to be (for my kids). I don't have a ton of money. I don't happen to have a huge well of patience. Time is always gonna be in short supply with 4 kids no matter the education decisions. Our space is always going to be crowded. My sanity is often fleeting and my energy and desire can fluctuate dramatically. As for discipline and structure, I read somewhere that educating your children is simply an extension of parenting them. If you enjoy parenting and raising your children and have found it (relatively) easy and intuitive, as I feel I have, your homeschooling experience would be similar. If, on the other hand, you struggle with following through, consistency, consequences, and are overwhelmed with parenting, you may have a more difficult time (not impossible, just more difficult).

So, I am you. I never thought I would embark on this journey. I never thought I would embrace it as an answer to a unexpected situation. But I did, and Papaschnuck is excited as well, even the Schnuckies seem on board. So, as a family, we are going on this journey and it is really going to be exciting. I do not know how it will end but I do know that we are all going to learn in the process. Now, if only I could figure out how to get get more _____________,